Computer related one-liners to excite your funny-bone:
* Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
* COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key
* Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
* Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
* Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
* My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
* C:WINDOWS C:WINDOWSGO C:PCCRAWL C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUNDOSRUN
* <——– The information went data way ——–>
* Best file compression around: “DEL *.*” = 100% compression
* The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.
* BREAKFAST.COM Halted…Cereal Port Not Responding
* The name is Baud……, James Baud.
* BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!
* Access denied–nah nah na nah nah!
* C:> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. Bad, bad command!
* Why doesn’t DOS ever say “EXCELLENT command or filename!”
* As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
* Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
* Backups? We don’ *NEED* no steenking backups.
* E Pluribus Modem ..
* File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
* Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
* A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
* An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.
* CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/n)?
* Does fuzzy logic tickle?
* A computer’s attention span is as long as it’s power cord.
* 11th commandment – Covet not thy neighbor’s Pentium.
* 24 hours in a day…24 beers in a case…coincidence?
* Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
* Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
* SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .
* Who’s General Failure & why’s he reading my disk?
* Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.
* RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
* Shell to DOS… Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS…
* All computers wait at the same speed.
* DEFINITION: Computer – A device designed to speed and automate errors.
* Press — to continue …
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…..
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
* ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
* E-mail returned to sender — insufficient voltage.
* Help! I’m modeming… and I can’t hang up!!!
* All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
* Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
* “640K ought to be enough for anybody.” – Bill Gates, 1981
* DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS
* Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
* Press any key… no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
* Press any key to continue or any other key to quit…
* Excuse me for butting in, but I’m interrupt-driven.
* REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q)
* Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO?_~”
* Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
* Read my chips: No new upgrades!
* Hit any user to continue.
* 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!!
* I hit the CTRL key but I’m still not in control!
* Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?
* Disk Full – Press F1 to belch.
* Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup
* Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
* (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network?
* (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer?
* If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.
* Programmers don’t die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.
* Programmer – A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects.
* Real programmers don’t document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.